i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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