I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
