Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my sisters under your porch take her home
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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