I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
