I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
