ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need to get me chipped asap
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize