I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
