I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
