i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
