I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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