Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
