I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
