I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fuck appropriateness.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
