It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
