dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
