and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
