my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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