I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
