Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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