i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
