She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize