So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
