i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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