I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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