omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
