He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
