If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We just shotgunned beers for America
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
