The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize