Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
