so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
