He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have fence marks all over my body
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
