HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize