Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
