New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize