too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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