after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
