Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
