It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
