we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
