You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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