I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i believe in u and ur pee
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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