I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
