Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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