I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
