i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
