In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
