I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
