my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
