you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize