I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
