you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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