Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
