Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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