I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
