theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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