It's like God shit irony all over that family
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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