Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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