I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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