Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
