she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The air taste purple.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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