so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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