They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
