Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I look better un-naked...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
