yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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