Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize