Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
