somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
