I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
