next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
