i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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