You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
