i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
