I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
