Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
