would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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