And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize