Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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