So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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