I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
