if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
