yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
bring money and cleavage
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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