the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
