Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
