im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
