Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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