apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
