Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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