Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
