Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
