You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
