Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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