she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize