For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
