So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
