I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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