have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
