Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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