So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
