I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
