no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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