just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
