he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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