Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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