take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
