I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
