my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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