I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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