Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
