that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize