i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
