I love black thongs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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