Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
