Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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