the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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