let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
