Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
