we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
